Confessions of a girl with a HUGE head

 ***Now this idea came about after yet again getting frustrated with a local graphic arts/print company in town.

My mother received the news that I had a huge head when I was in vitro. Out of all of her other kids, she had normal births, but doctors were worried there was extra fluid on my brain causing my head to be huge.

When I was born the doctors yet again spoke to my mother about putting me through surgery to reduce my head size. They were worried I may never be able to crawl because my head was larger than average. 

As my mother can attest I zoomed around the house like any normal child. However, the one thing that was frustrating was my mom had to cut out the onesie shirt collars because my head wouldn't go through the hole. (No Biggie Right?)

This is a photo of me as a baby. And yes Marshall gets his curlies from this grandma.

OK- Now growing up and learning to get my own style, I always wanted to try those really cute girly hats that most girls wear. And I can remember on more than one occasion my mother shoving hats on my heads, determined that ONE SIZE FITS ALL (I have noticed they have chanced that moniker to One Size Fits Most) meant it would fit on my head. 

I remember many tears and frustrations because I couldn't wear any women's/girl's hats.

If that wasn't embarrassing enough, I liked to try different sports. I went from Tap, Hip-Hop, Jiu-Jitsu (Which I loved....Hell I loved Hip-Hop too), and then I found a love in baseball/softball.

I really loved running and having fun, but then came the dreaded time to wear baseball helmets. My head did not fit in any of the youth league so I had to borrow an adult one....Luckily my coach was a kick-butt kinda guy and stopped anyone from teasing me about it.

Now onto adulthood-My saving grace came in the form of the fit flex hats that were created for most baseball teams. I was so happy cause they would fit on my head and THEY DIDNT HURT!!!! 

Now I am sure a couple of you are like...why not the trucker hats? Those work really well for other people....They don't work because of a ladder incident when I was little

Sidebar: We were invited to see the airplane of a guy in our ward. He was one of those guys who was so cool and did whatever the hell he wanted..cause he could. Well, my mom was invited and took me and my big sister to check it out. I thought it was really cool. As he was explaining to my mom about the intricacies of his plane (Hell I have no clue what they were talking about). My sister climbed up to look at the inside of the plane, and I decided to climb up a little way and sit on the steps of the ladder. I had hooked my feet behind the rung below me, I had no idea why I did, Somehow I lost my balance on the ladder and tried to take out my feet before I fell....All I remember was the distinct floor of the airport...different water rocks cemented together for a better wheel grip. Not so much for little girls' headers into the floor. 

For years my big sister thought she had pushed me and I had to reassure her that I distinctly remember wrapping my feet behind the rung. Oddly enough that part is as clear as day.

Well, my second (Or fifth...I was accident-prone) time in the hospital ended up with rocks being picked out of my skull, lots of stitches, and a hairline fracture to my skull.

Long Story Short (lol TOO LATE) I have scar tissue in my forehead that makes my head a little too weird-shaped for Trucker Caps...One button is either too tight and makes my head hurt, or else the inside of the cap isn't big enough to accommodate my head size. I hate having long hair so the pony tale thing doesn't work either.

SCIENTIFIC MUMBO JUMBO-

The average circumference of an adult skull is...(21-23 inches for a woman and 22-24 for man) Now my head circumference is about 25 inches.

Average Woman's hat size is 21.5-22.25 inches....Yet again off the charts for me

Average ONE SIZE FITS MOST is between 22 to 23 7/8 inches....Yet again...DOES NOT FIT

SO as you can imagine the discussions about my big head drive me up the freaking wall. 

When I was pregnant with the boy, Ron and I discussed the prospect of having big-headed boy....and for Ron, it was "At least its better to have a big head as a guy." AND you know what? It is totally true! Women want to wear pretty hats and do hair in fun beautiful ways. Guys don't really care. 

So when the dr came in and was like..."Who has the big head?" My eyes rolled so far back in my head I could see the brain. I said..."Right here." They did all the tests and everything and concluded the boy had a big head but there weren't any issues.

When little man was born...I felt like my mom. Had to find some onesies that worked well for his head (kimono onesies are a lifesaver,) and not to mention, Breaking out all the stitching or even cutting the collar in some of his shirts.

Right now the boy is in boys' clothes and forever was off the charts for his head size. He may only be a 4 year old but his head size...He can wear medium-large adult, and even the one size fits most adult-sized hats. The Genes Strike Again! 

See even his Halloween costume didn't fit his head....Sigh

But for now, he is pretty happy wearing mommy's and daddy's hats.

Back to Now: I haven't had a ton of issues as an adult. I know which hats work well for my head and I have even had some specially made for me from Alston Ink because they have awesome crews!

Ok, so what got me so miffed that I had to write this story is, My new job at Prime Time Auctions has been such a blessing. After a hostile takeover at the Morning News, I was out of work for about a month and went batty. They were looking for a cataloger and I applied and got it!

My boss is really cool. They treat us really well, they have little snacks and drinks for all who are working and this last week they decided to do a big order of new shirts and whatnot. 

When I heard they were ordering truckers hats (EEEK) I asked her if I could order some of the flex fit hats for me because the other hats don't fit. She was all for it and since the graphics place had the hats in stock...WHAT COULD GO WRONG?!?

Apparently quite a bit. One of the hat types was out of stock and wouldn't be in for about a year. So I went with the general fit. HOWEVER, This was not the end of it.

I get a message from the girl ordering that the hat I chose, and the size, come bigger than thought so she ordered me a medium. (SOUND OF CRASHING CARS AND BRAIN FREEZE ALL IN ONE)

So I backpedaled. I had to explain in great detail that the size I ordered is EXACTLY the one I wanted. The medium-large would totally hurt my freaking head. After a few rolled eyes and vehemently explaining it...I am hoping the graphics company listens and orders my hats the right way. One might see a headline, Irate customer staples hats to owner's foreheads...LOL Honestly, I would never. 

After getting steamed and frustrated for the rest of the night...I figured I would write about it. Get some stream of consciousness venting out. 

We need to grow up as a country: The theory of the country, puberty, and the evolution of the person.

The news has been making me very sad in the past few weeks. It is so sad to see how people of different races have been treated. There is definitely more that the country as a whole can do. It is not just one group of people, one job, or one thing in general that needs to change EVERYONE does!

I have a theory/symbol that has been plaguing me the past few days and I had to get it out on paper.

The United States is a very young country in general, compared to others in the world. Some have been around for thousands of years! 

Because our country is so young...we are going through a period of evolution!

There are a few things we need to realize:

Just like a child, in the early years, we were dependent on people that were looked on as property. It took a lot of fighting, crying, bullying before the revelation came to the American people that it was completely wrong. 

We are not that child anymore. We are at a point where we are evolving to higher consciousness.

*Example: When I was a kid I was learning how to associate with other people. I was told to talk to people and get out and associate when I would rather read. I didn't like being out among people because everyone would tell me "You need to talk...or you are too quiet...You are better when you talk." I hated it. I also had a very one-sided, sheltered view of religion as a whole. I was conceited and hell I even believed I was better than others because of the religion environment. 

It took my husband to help me see a different light and realize I could still be a good, religious, better person without being prejudiced against others.

I will apologize for being a brat as a kid, but I will not "pay" other people for being a brat, or having my own viewpoints.

This is the same thing I am hearing from the news. There is a faction (albeit a small faction) who believes that white people should pay reparations for being slave owners. 

There was even one sorry soul who gave an excuse that he is right for raping and hurting other people because his ancestors were slaves. 

This is a disgusting perversion of a viewpoint that needs to change on both sides. 

Honestly, we need to get to the enlightened adulthood in this country. I am disappointed in myself as a child and some of the stupid things I thought as a kid. It is truly sad that people were used as property. This was the pre-adolescence of our country. We did not understand. 

We had a few moments of clarity with the Civil War, Lincoln, Martin Luther King, and other riots. 

There is still a lot that can be done.

There are great cops, great people, and a high number of people who are good. As Americans, we are individuals and have an individualist society. This is unique to a lot of countries. One of my favorite movies is "A Beautiful Mind" and there is a quote in it that I believe our country could find useful. I put the scene. 

We are at a point where we need to think of ourselves and for the group. 

There are a lot of valid points that could truly change our future for the better. Term limits for Congress, Police being held responsible for brutality, and making steps in making the treatment of everyone more equal for the good of all.

We are in a crisis of consciousness point in America. If we don't hold to the base of what makes America great...we will no longer have it. The Constitution is important, our forefathers were extremely important parts of our upbringing (as young Americans), we should not discredit the good they did.

To be better as a country we must first start with ourselves and delve into what we truly believe. 

And so here we are...The world is having issues, but we are on the precipice of new changes. We must be strong in ourselves. We must hold ourselves to a higher standard...and we must demand better from our government. 

Thank you for coming to my soapbox.

French fries, mixed drinks, and weirdness

I remember my mother always saying, "They all have the same flavor," whether it be lite ranch or not, I could ALWAYS taste the difference.

Growing up it took me a while to get used to new foods and even then there are a few vegetables and things I refuse to eat.

Texture is a real thing in foods for me. 

My parents had an apple tree at our old house and it was my job to pick up the rotten apples off of the grass. There was many times that they were so rotten they would turn into mush and I can distinctly remember getting apple "gook" on my fingers and freaking out.

I got pretty creative picking up the rotten apples. My dad would always say "just pick them up real fast with your hands and you'll be ok. The more you have your little tricks, the longer it will take!"

I couldn't do fun things until my chores were done. 

One thing I distinctly remember, beyond the feel, is the smell. The sickly sweet rotten smell of wet apple would give me the shivers. When we harvested the apples, my mother would make apple sauce for food storage. It was always fun to help her can things (especially salsa) but when it comes to apple sauce....I cannot stand anything about it.

If one has never made homemade applesauce it is quite a process. You have to cook the apples up so they are soft and mushy. Then you take them out of the boil process and then put it into an archaic torture device and squish the apples through the hole. At one end of the machine the apple seeds, core, stem and skin comes out to be thrown away. The applesauce mush comes out through a sluice. 

The reason why I hate applesauce and cooked apples (hell even apple pie...as my husband says I am weird), is the texture. When making applesauce the smell of rotten, wet, cooked apples becomes aroma-ticized and it permeates the house. My mom tried to make me try the hot applesauce as it came out the machine (It is one of those things...if it is not meant to be eaten hot...I DON'T WANT TO EAT IT HOT!!!!) 

It would make me gag...any type of cooked fruit makes me gag now. The texture is too funky and slimy and sends me back to my apple picking days and I have horrible memories. 

Another weirdness with me is rating my favorite french fry places. It was one of the funnest dates I would ever do. We would go to five or six of the best fast food joints in town and order small orders of fries. Then we would rate them on how good they were and whether we wanted to eat more. It was super simplistic but holy OMG it was so much fun and it was fun to rate things. You got to know people really well and talk about random crap while doing it.

*In case you were wondering, my favorite french fries are from Arctic Circle. I like how they hold up to dipping and they are never super salty.

*My favorite sit down restaurant fries are those from the Grecian Key downtown. The steak fries are delicious and I really like bigger fries in general.

---and not to mention fried cheese curds...those are sooo good!

All french fries have to be eaten with ranch (and not all ranch is the same). It is a toss up between two different brands. One is the Litehouse Homestyle Ranch, but the other is oddly from Walmart and it is called Wild Coyote Ranch. 

-Best sit down ranch is from Applebees and Buffalo Wild Wings

-Best fast food ranch is from Jimmy Johns (their zesty ranch is to die for and holy cow....SO GOOD)

Mixed drinks

Now the types of mixed drinks I am talking about are the non alcoholic kinds. There has been a craze of mixed non alcoholic soda drinks that has exploded. Places like the Drink Factory or Soda Barn, Soda Craze...basically any name one can think of associated to drinks or soda. The premise is this, a business has a fountain put into their store and buys every popular drink flavoring known to man. These drink flavors can be like Torani, DaVinci, and numerous others. They put a squirt in a soda drink and make their own signature names.

I am of the small portion of people in the world who really likes Diet Mountain Dew. I discovered a really good combination of Diet Dew with Green Apple and I am addicted. I like the sour flavor and hell the bubbles are delicious.

Everyone says that fountain drinks from gas stations are all created equal...I submit that they are not! My favorite gas station fountain is from Maverick...and my favorite soda shop is the Drink Factory in Blackfoot, but the Soda Barn in Pocatello is a really close second.

I don't know why I felt like writing this but I thought it would be fun to let people glimpse at my weirdness. 

The hidden door: A tale of a young knight

*A little sidebar. My son is using his imagination right now and creating his own worlds. I am in love with how adventurous he has become and how he uses his imagination. My mother told me for years that I was the same way. I would create stories out of inanimate objects. Here is a story I created of his adventures.

The hot day did nothing to deter the little knight from his quest. He noticed the table in the corner was broken and needed his architectural skills. He used his ever-growing bag of tools to fix the table and started putting them away in the chest. 

This was then, when he noticed the white door. It was innocuous and most people when traveling across the realm, their eyes would slide over the wall and the little knight believed no one else could see it but him. He snuck by the queen and grabbed the sparkly keys on the table and ran back to the door. None of the keys seemed to work. 

The little knight got frustrated. Each time he tried a new key, ten new keys popped up in its place. Finally, the little knight sat down getting discouraged. As he stared at the lock, he noticed a ridiculously small design near the lock. It looked like a fingerprint, but it was the same size as his fingers. He smiled and laughed heartily. He popped up off the floor and tried one of the Queen's keys again. This time he tucked the finger of his other hand under the lock on top of the design. As he did so a resultant click of the white door unlocking meant he had finally got it open!

He pushed the door open to find the gateway to another world. As he walked through the door, he noticed everything was like one of his books! He walked out into the world behind the door. When he shut the door behind them, he noticed HIS door had melted into the bark of a tree. He could see the little insignia of his fingerprint. The little knight knew this was his adventure.

He walked into town when he found the people were all scared! They were being destroyed by two vicious creatures. A dragon and a vicious tiger had been picking off villagers and destroying the buildings. The little knight looked around and asked if he could be of service. Even though he was little, he was pure of heart and knew he could help the village. 

He was pointed in the direction of the mountains nearby. The dangerous creatures made their way into town from that direction. The little knight made sure he had his sword and shield and ran off in the direction of the mountain. He was enveloped by the rancid smell of animals as he got closer. The ground started shaking underneath his feet. Even though he had felt an earthquake, the ground shaking was not an earthquake. It was more like the shaking of when something big falls. The little knight moved closer and found an interesting sight. A brown dragon with spikes was on his back and was fast asleep. That was not the weirdest thing. On his belly, which was radiating warmth, was the head of a completely black tiger. They were both asleep and seemed to enjoy each other's company. The little knight steeled his courage and moved closer.

As he got close enough to smell. The tiger and dragon opened their eyes and looked at him with curiosity. They had never smelled or ever seen such a small knight. Even though the dragon loved eating humans, he did not think he could eat such a little knight. The tiger started purring. He got up and moved closer to the little knight. The knight froze waiting to see if he was in danger. He did not feel like he was in danger but could not be sure. The tiger moved until the knight could feel his warm breath on his face. He stared at the green eyes of the tiger, not showing he was afraid. The tiger lolled his tongue out and licked the small knight from his chin to his hair. The little knight giggled.

The little knight knew he could not hurt these guys. Yet he knew he was tasked with taking care of the village. He sat down and thought about it until his brain was sore. He had an idea that might work well for everyone. As he explained his idea the dragon and tiger looked at each other with a grin. When night fell, the little knight beckoned to the dragon and tiger to follow him. 

He made his way on the outskirts of town keeping to the line of the trees. With each move they got closer to the secret door. Finally, the little knight reached the door and placed his fingers on the little mark. A door opened inwards, as he was beckoning to the dragon and tiger, he heard a rallying cry from the villagers. They had heard them moving around the trees and knew something was afoot. They did not want to see the dragon and tiger leave. The villagers ran as fast as their feel could carry them. The little knight knew he had to act. He pushed the tiger through the door. The dragon got stuck on his spikes and his toes got stuck. He roared trying to get loose. Finally, he slipped through the door. The little knight shut the door behind him as he yelled, "Sorry!" He was back in his own little world.

He was startled by something rubbing up against his leg. The little knight saw a full black kitten with green eyes gazing up at him. Climbing up his leg he also saw a little brown bearded dragon. He giggled and clapped his hands, glad his little creatures made it! He made his way home to the queen with his new pets. 

They named the bearded dragon Frank, or Frankie to the little knight. The cat, although feisty, was named Ichabod after the Queen's favorite character. They lived happily ever after...until the next adventure. 

What the owl? Birds, Memorial Day, and future questions

Memorial Day weekend, besides being my wedding anniversary, it is one of the traditional weekends in my family. For years we would gather at my Aunt Helen's house and put together the flower arrangements for family members that have passed on. One doesn't appreciate it as much as a child, but as one gets older one can feel the reasoning behind it.

The virus has created a new issue for grave decorating. My aunts are both immune compromised and could not come out with us. It was up to my mother and father to take the reins. They decided to do fresh flower arrangements and small flags to give honor to those who had passed away. When we started on our trek, I had no idea it was going to be one of the coolest days.

The only grave of a person I remember was my Grandma Gardner and Grandpa Sid. Sid passed away when I was 5 and I only really remember him calling me princess and having lemon drops from his pockets. I also remember him taking naps. All I could see was his boots hanging off the edge of the bed, he was quite tall. My grandma passed the year before I graduated in high school. She taught me so many things, including how to properly shuffle cards and to never cheat. She liked to shoot magpies in the garden and talked to the plants in every windowsill. I think I get a lot of my energy from her side of the family.

After dropping her flowers off and introducing my little man to her and telling stories about her, we made our way to the Moreland cemetery. I remember this cemetery a lot as a kid because of a water pump and getting drenched in the process. We placed the flowers on the site. I heard rustling above me...and thought it was a squirrel. We continued to chat for a bit and I could hear the rustling again, except it was a hell of a lot bigger than I thought it would be. I looked up to see what it was, a huge owl! I have never seen an owl outside in the wild, only in a zoo. I tried to get a photo of it, but it flew to a nearby pine tree. It was squeaking with its mate! This was the coolest thing I have ever seen in my life.

I have always felt drawn to animals and it seems carrion birds are drawn to me. Falcons and hawks are some birds that I always see driving around. They are in my life and tend to show up when I need them. I know calling it my spirit animal is considered cultural appropriation, but the closest I can think of is they are drawn to my energy. Whatever one calls it, falcons and hawks are my favorite energy calling, often seen, and much loved birds.

In my research for future stories, I hope to meet someone who could help me go through the steps to find out if falcons truly are my spirit animal. I want to give honor to ancestors and energies in the proper way. 

A lonely life: a diver's look at life

One of my favorite jobs at the Morning News was hearing stories of people who came in. The one that always stuck with me was the stories of Doug. Here is the article I wrote. 

"

10 Dec 2019

By Emily Thornton reporter@am-news.com

MORNING NEWS - EMILY THORNTON

This compass was in the water for over thirty years. Items like portholes, lamp covers, clocks, and bottles, are just a few of the items in Hoksbergen’s collection.

BLACKFOOT– When one looks at documentaries about the ocean or watching movies about deep sea diving, one can imagine what it might be like. Not for Doug Hoksbergen, his dream of being a deep sea diver was born when he first saw “20,000 Leagues Under the Sea.” For years the image of the diver walking away from the submarine and surviving on a single breathing implement, was something that drove him to chase that dream. “My grandfather said ‘ Don’t let anyone tell you no.’ My brother was supportive too.”

When Doug sat down to interview for the Divers Institute of Technology in Seattle, Washington: he almost didn’t make it to the next round of classes. On the wall was a prop from 20,000 Leagues, which was donated to the school. He had pulled it off the wall and put it over his head, “I just had to, you know?” and the lady doing the interview was a little terse with him about it. However, he made it through training. Six to seven months of training and Doug finally had the moment to get into the water. “I knew this is what I always wanted to do.”

One of the most memorable dives Doug went on was on Eugene Island off the gulf of Mexico. “I was only down about 200 feet and it was three in the morning. Even with my head lamp, you can’t see very far in front of you. I looked around and all I could see was these green dots. I was surrounded by sharks. They don’t mess with you. Honestly all the wildlife you see down there don’t mess with you.”

There are some interesting aspects of diving that most people don’t hear about. As a diver one cannot be bashful.

When getting in or out of the suit, “You have to strip down to your birthday suit and get hosed off. Then hopping into the small areas within five minutes and getting gear on, you learn to not care and not be bashful.”

Doug has done numerous types of diving within the field. Saturation diving seems to be one of the most brutal types of diving. One is placed in a hyperbaric chamber which is saturated in a way to keep the occupants at the proper dry pressurization. They are lowered into the water to reach the right working pressure. They are then in the chamber for 28 days and work for about 10 hours a day. They usually do saturation diving chambers for depths greater than 250 feet. Depending on what the work is needed. “It is like having a high paying jail sentence. You do the work and then are stuck in the small confines after going out. It is grueling but hey 28 days on and 28 days off ain’t bad. One of the top women compression divers would rebuild cars on her ranch when off the rig.”

Some of the gear needed for working on underwater demolitions was different than the average diver’s. One has to be safe when the explosion goes off, as well as keeping the innards intact. Doug worked on demolitions mainly with Chevron and when helping with hurricane restoration. “You’ve seen how big those platforms can get. Now imagine them twisted and hurled a couple miles away. There has to be a way to bring up the rubble and get the oil platforms back to working order.”

When Doug was working on salvaging and wrecks, he would find some very interesting items. One ship he found a perfect working compass (which had been water logged) was sunk within two years of being decommissioned. The compass had been in the water for over thirty years but was saved from most of the ravages from the way it was packed away. Items like portholes, lamp covers, clocks, and bottles, are just a few of the items in his collection he is proud of.

Even though Doug dealt with body recovery during hurricanes and salvaging wrecks: he still remains a positive person. The average diver lasts in the business for around five years. Many times it is due to wear on the body or getting injuries. Doug has had numerous injuries from his salvaging, including numerous scars. He even had his ribs broken by a very playful dolphin. “It takes a certain type of person to remain in the business. I absolutely loved the water. It was some of the most peaceful times, just being in the suit and seeing the wildlife. I got to see things very few people get to see first-hand. It’s a unique feeling.” Doug managed to stay within the business for 20 years and has seen places all over the globe. He moved back to Blackfoot after retiring “for the third or fourth time” and has been enjoying being back home with family and friends. “I will always miss the water. But I do like being back.”

This is only a fraction of the stories he told us, but I am very happy to have met this man. He has gone through a lot of things in his life and has kept a good attitude about changes in his life. 

New adventures of a "now" stay at home mom

I have always had a drive to write. Ever since I was a child I would create stories with salt and pepper shakers, cups, or anything near by. I loved creating worlds which made sense to me. The written word was always something for me and I feel my constant reading helped me as well.

Last year I finally got my chance and received my dream job! I was asked to be a general reporter with the Blackfoot Morning News. This job was so much fun. The editor became a really close friend and the banter between all of us made it one of my favorite jobs.

When the coronavirus hit the area, we lost all of the sales team and one of the amazing friends at the office had to work from home. We did ok for a while. We were doing better than the other insert in town and because of this, the larger company decided to purchase our paper, and get rid of us. It wasn't so much a merger, as it was a hostile takeover. I lost my dream job and I will forever miss it.

A little background about me is I have a Masters in Journalism and have loved every part of it. I have been married for close to eight years and we had a little guy in 2016. I was going to school all through the early years of my little man and have been proud of how far I have come. I am proud my little three year old, and he loves creating his own worlds too! 

Moving through the stages of loss, I am currently at the anger stage. I am sad I am no longer at the job and will miss the customers I got to see every day. I am sad about missing the banter. I am mad because I honestly hate the job hunt. I never liked it after I lost my job as an English teacher. Though through each challenge I am going to rise above and become better than I was before.