New Year: Writing more and frustrations galore

Believe it or not dear reader, I have a degree in journalism. I worked for years on newspapers, crafting articles, and going to the theater to help the local community know what was going on. I loved everything about those jobs.

As of now, I am the managing editor for a metaphysical magazine. It is a great experience for me. I am not paid to do any of it, but the rewards are felt in other ways. I am learning more about psychology through the use of visuals and I get to contact people who are in the field. I have learned what it takes to build a magazine, as well as general language skills being polished. Through this job, I have been able to have a book published with my co-author (the CEO of the company). That is one thing I never thought I would get to in my 30's. https://a.co/d/0RkBxGB

Honestly, I miss having my own column about emergency preparedness and imparting wisdom about how to survive. I have been doing a lot of research when it comes to ChatGPT. I think it is a valuable tool for helping keep things straight, but those people who are using it to write articles, books, and other language filled items...it is a form of cheating. Academic dishonesty was one of those things that I couldn't believe other people would do. Copy things word for word...paste off the internet...and pass things off as their own. Yes, there is a way to properly citate things that have been used, but blatant stealing...that is just wrong. Using any form of AI to completely write something and pass it off as your own is a form of cheating. No one is learning anything. I shudder to think what will happen if people continue to pass it off as their own.

And yes...I do love memes. But now on to the health frustrations.

As many people have surmised, I have a significant amount of health issues and each of them cause delightful things to happen to me. I see a few separate doctors to keep all my levels fairly normal. My list is thus, (Insulin resistant PCOS, Celiacs, Lactose Intolerance, Chronic Nausea, Sleep Apnea, Thyroid Issues, Plantar Fasciitis, Tinnitus, Gastroparesis, TMJ, and more). I recently have been working with my Endocrinologist to discuss what is needed. 

It is always disheartening to hear from a doctor..."You will not lose any weight with the slew of issues facing you right now...and yet losing weight will help resolve a few of them." I already have a lot of issues with losing weight and food growing up and anxiety to boot...so it has become a real issue. However, this endo has been a dream. He has actually helped me find a method that will help reduce my insulin resistance (my A1c and all that jazz is completely normal). 

And because I am a human with kids living paycheck to paycheck...even with health insurance, I couldn't afford any of those fancy weight loss injections (which in case you didn't know...can cause gastroparesis or make it even worse.) I don't wish that gunk on anyone so I was adamant on no injections and surgery would not help either. We found something that I could take every day that would not bat heads with any of my other medications and would not make my stuff worse. Hopefully, my insurance will cover it partially. Thank heavens for good doctors who actually LISTEN.

Thank you for reading my rant. Have a lovely week, month, and year. New writings will be coming your way soon. 

Gastroparesis: What is it and why it is awful!

 Greetings to all you readers. If you have read some of my previous posts, you can see I have some rather awful health issues. One that is a pain to deal with...both figuratively and literally...is gastroparesis.

What is Gastroparesis? This is a disorder of the stomach which basically slows or stops the movement of food from your stomach to your small intestine. It is also called delayed gastric emptying.

Basically, food sits and rots in the stomach. This causes nausea, vomiting, pain, feeling full and whatnot. Some of the lovely complications are malnutrition, fatigue, vitamin deficiency,, bezoars (not as fun as Harry Potter) basically the food hardens into a rock and gets stuck, or even weird bacterial overgrowth. 

As you can see...not fun whatsoever. 

The only way to diagnose it is to have a scan done by the hospital. They have you eat radioactive eggs and then scan how much food is leftover in the stomach. I had it done over 18 years ago at a hospital after having some really gnarly stomach issues. It was almost like the scan they do for having your gallbladder checked, but you don't get shot full of iodine.

I tried to get all the scans from it a while back, but most hospitals dump scans after 10ish years. I had to have another one this last year. They found out that the first hour my stomach worked like a champ...then the second, third, and fourth hour. It slowed to a crawl. After 4 hours, I still had a good 30 percent of the eggs still in my stomach. When all of it should have been gone after 2-3 hours (with normal stomach). 

This is my normal. (even though I love gramma....I felt it went well here)

One common denominator in all my health issues is a problem with my Vagus Nerve. This is the lovely nerve that is called the wanderer and deals with lung function and digestion. Many times, if you pass out or have gastroparesis, it is due to your vagus nerve having issues. It is in such a weird spot in my spine, that the two times I had C-Sections I passed out from the needle...and then when I usually upchuck, I pass out (which can get messy and potentially dangerous).

What I deal with is almost a constant wave of nausea. Sometimes it is chill. I can work, eat fairly normal, and deal with it with nausea meds and a Relief Band stimulator (I LOVE MINE btw). I absolutely hate throwing up so the less things that might cause it the better.

The worst is when I am trying to exercise or do things well...and then I turn or stretch weird, and my stomach is like...The HELL you ain't gonna have a happy day. So, fighting off nausea is always fun. 

I have to eat small meals and if I am feeling particularly nauseous...I usually subsist on rice crackers and noodles....(Did I mention I have celiacs disease too?)

There you have it. So, for all you out there suffering or are having to subsist with a feeding tube (I salute you too). You guys are warriors as well. I hope you enjoyed my rant.  

Weird Health: Bullying Growing Up

Everyone says that there is some bullying that happens growing up. Even though I would like to say it didn't phase me...there was a lot of bullying and comments from inside and outside of family that really impacted me, even to this day. 

One thing that I HATE with a passion is how much I sweat. It is not an attractive glistening...and if you say girls glisten...I will pound you. No this is run a marathon, dripping down my nose sweating. It doesn't matter if it is a small exercise...sometimes I just sweat like crazy.

One incident that will always be burned into my brain is trying out for the volleyball team in Jr. High/High School. I think we were trying out for the incoming freshmen. I remember I was able to get the ball over the net with serves and was pretty good at doing layups. I really wasn't the best out there, but I certainly wasn't the worst. I remember there were a few girls that were my sister's age that knew me from hanging out with her. They made a lot of comments like what is up with your sisters sweating, is she ok, dang she sweats a lot. 

THIS was something that really impacted me. I didn't make the team...because I didn't fit standards and hell, I preferred reading and being alone. I tried out for the dance team....didn't get it again. OH and don't get me started on getting stuck in lower level of dance because my teacher felt 'Even though she is good...she isn't that pretty.'. 

You can tell I am a little miffed about that eh?

Now let me give you a glimpse growing up as a bigger kid. There were some people in my family that would be considered "Granola" and to have an obsession with weight. It really did a number on my brain and self-confidence. Going to weight loss classes. Getting told to "SUCK IT IN" every time I wore a shirt that was a little tighter. Writing down every little thing I ate. I don't remember being forced to go and exercise...but I do remember there really wasn't a second option.

To this day I absolutely will not have a scale in the house and refuse to weigh myself, unless I am at a doctor's office. Even there I rarely look at the amount of weight. I don't stop my husband from doing so, but I honestly will not suffer my kids to go through that because I don't want them feeling like what their body looks like matters more than who they are as a person.

There was one comment at a recent gathering that really pissed me off to no end. I have been having back pain....and apparently this is due to me not having a strong core (hint...my weight) and not to mention the pointing at my stomach. 

All I wanted to say was F*** that. But I would like to say I have grown a little bit. I shut down the body talk and said it isn't that and I wasn't talking about that again. 

Even though the comments hurt...I try and play it off. Though the comments may have started a little bit of a manic exercising regimin...I have found one that actually is dance-y enough that it doesn't kill my stomach...but works on toning. I have been killing it. I honestly have no clue if I am doing it just because of the damn comment, or just a stubborn part of me wanting to PROVE that even though I am exercising...that pain and the issues with my body are still going to be there. 

One thing that sucks about weight comments. No one truly knows what one is going through. When one's body cannot digest food quick enough (gastroparesis) and having chronic nausea....that is what I deal with. Ballooning up in weight after having my second kid...and weighing exactly what I did when he was in my belly....THAT is what I have been dealing with. Being allergic to wheat, issues with dairy...and even stopping soda because I know how bad it is...THAT IS WHAT I HAVE BEEN DEALING WITH. A stubborn body that will not work with the materials given...That is the CRAP (I would like to say another word but I won't) I have been dealing with. SO excuse me if I get extremely miffed about comments about my weight. 

I finally have a few doctors who actually give a damn about what is going on with my body and helping me live fairly normal parameters. So, thank you dear doctors who listen, and to friends who are supportive. Love you tons.