New Year: Writing more and frustrations galore

Believe it or not dear reader, I have a degree in journalism. I worked for years on newspapers, crafting articles, and going to the theater to help the local community know what was going on. I loved everything about those jobs.

As of now, I am the managing editor for a metaphysical magazine. It is a great experience for me. I am not paid to do any of it, but the rewards are felt in other ways. I am learning more about psychology through the use of visuals and I get to contact people who are in the field. I have learned what it takes to build a magazine, as well as general language skills being polished. Through this job, I have been able to have a book published with my co-author (the CEO of the company). That is one thing I never thought I would get to in my 30's. https://a.co/d/0RkBxGB

Honestly, I miss having my own column about emergency preparedness and imparting wisdom about how to survive. I have been doing a lot of research when it comes to ChatGPT. I think it is a valuable tool for helping keep things straight, but those people who are using it to write articles, books, and other language filled items...it is a form of cheating. Academic dishonesty was one of those things that I couldn't believe other people would do. Copy things word for word...paste off the internet...and pass things off as their own. Yes, there is a way to properly citate things that have been used, but blatant stealing...that is just wrong. Using any form of AI to completely write something and pass it off as your own is a form of cheating. No one is learning anything. I shudder to think what will happen if people continue to pass it off as their own.

And yes...I do love memes. But now on to the health frustrations.

As many people have surmised, I have a significant amount of health issues and each of them cause delightful things to happen to me. I see a few separate doctors to keep all my levels fairly normal. My list is thus, (Insulin resistant PCOS, Celiacs, Lactose Intolerance, Chronic Nausea, Sleep Apnea, Thyroid Issues, Plantar Fasciitis, Tinnitus, Gastroparesis, TMJ, and more). I recently have been working with my Endocrinologist to discuss what is needed. 

It is always disheartening to hear from a doctor..."You will not lose any weight with the slew of issues facing you right now...and yet losing weight will help resolve a few of them." I already have a lot of issues with losing weight and food growing up and anxiety to boot...so it has become a real issue. However, this endo has been a dream. He has actually helped me find a method that will help reduce my insulin resistance (my A1c and all that jazz is completely normal). 

And because I am a human with kids living paycheck to paycheck...even with health insurance, I couldn't afford any of those fancy weight loss injections (which in case you didn't know...can cause gastroparesis or make it even worse.) I don't wish that gunk on anyone so I was adamant on no injections and surgery would not help either. We found something that I could take every day that would not bat heads with any of my other medications and would not make my stuff worse. Hopefully, my insurance will cover it partially. Thank heavens for good doctors who actually LISTEN.

Thank you for reading my rant. Have a lovely week, month, and year. New writings will be coming your way soon. 

Weird Health: Bullying Growing Up

Everyone says that there is some bullying that happens growing up. Even though I would like to say it didn't phase me...there was a lot of bullying and comments from inside and outside of family that really impacted me, even to this day. 

One thing that I HATE with a passion is how much I sweat. It is not an attractive glistening...and if you say girls glisten...I will pound you. No this is run a marathon, dripping down my nose sweating. It doesn't matter if it is a small exercise...sometimes I just sweat like crazy.

One incident that will always be burned into my brain is trying out for the volleyball team in Jr. High/High School. I think we were trying out for the incoming freshmen. I remember I was able to get the ball over the net with serves and was pretty good at doing layups. I really wasn't the best out there, but I certainly wasn't the worst. I remember there were a few girls that were my sister's age that knew me from hanging out with her. They made a lot of comments like what is up with your sisters sweating, is she ok, dang she sweats a lot. 

THIS was something that really impacted me. I didn't make the team...because I didn't fit standards and hell, I preferred reading and being alone. I tried out for the dance team....didn't get it again. OH and don't get me started on getting stuck in lower level of dance because my teacher felt 'Even though she is good...she isn't that pretty.'. 

You can tell I am a little miffed about that eh?

Now let me give you a glimpse growing up as a bigger kid. There were some people in my family that would be considered "Granola" and to have an obsession with weight. It really did a number on my brain and self-confidence. Going to weight loss classes. Getting told to "SUCK IT IN" every time I wore a shirt that was a little tighter. Writing down every little thing I ate. I don't remember being forced to go and exercise...but I do remember there really wasn't a second option.

To this day I absolutely will not have a scale in the house and refuse to weigh myself, unless I am at a doctor's office. Even there I rarely look at the amount of weight. I don't stop my husband from doing so, but I honestly will not suffer my kids to go through that because I don't want them feeling like what their body looks like matters more than who they are as a person.

There was one comment at a recent gathering that really pissed me off to no end. I have been having back pain....and apparently this is due to me not having a strong core (hint...my weight) and not to mention the pointing at my stomach. 

All I wanted to say was F*** that. But I would like to say I have grown a little bit. I shut down the body talk and said it isn't that and I wasn't talking about that again. 

Even though the comments hurt...I try and play it off. Though the comments may have started a little bit of a manic exercising regimin...I have found one that actually is dance-y enough that it doesn't kill my stomach...but works on toning. I have been killing it. I honestly have no clue if I am doing it just because of the damn comment, or just a stubborn part of me wanting to PROVE that even though I am exercising...that pain and the issues with my body are still going to be there. 

One thing that sucks about weight comments. No one truly knows what one is going through. When one's body cannot digest food quick enough (gastroparesis) and having chronic nausea....that is what I deal with. Ballooning up in weight after having my second kid...and weighing exactly what I did when he was in my belly....THAT is what I have been dealing with. Being allergic to wheat, issues with dairy...and even stopping soda because I know how bad it is...THAT IS WHAT I HAVE BEEN DEALING WITH. A stubborn body that will not work with the materials given...That is the CRAP (I would like to say another word but I won't) I have been dealing with. SO excuse me if I get extremely miffed about comments about my weight. 

I finally have a few doctors who actually give a damn about what is going on with my body and helping me live fairly normal parameters. So, thank you dear doctors who listen, and to friends who are supportive. Love you tons. 

Gluten Free-Dairy Free- oh my...

 *Thank you for reading this if you do. BIG RANT AHEAD.

Ok, so let me start off in my medical saga. I have two boys which are amazing, and I do not plan on having any more. With my last one, I was sick the whole time. After having him a month early, I was feeling ok for about 6 months until the rest of my systems shut down. I ended up gaining the same amount of weight I was when I had my most recent son. SO ON TO THE TESTING.

I see an endocrinologist regularly because I have thyroid issues, which requires constant medication. He and I discussed the weirdness with my weight, and we started down the path of PCOS and Sleep Apnea. It took less than a month to figure out I was having 200 events overnight (which is severe). My hubby had to deal with me sawing logs every night. Well, with my CPAP I no longer snore, and have less than 6 a night usually. So, one thing down.

About this time, I was noticing I was constantly...and I mean constantly nauseous. One of my doctors started me on some nausea meds and It seemed to help a little bit. I went to my gastroenterologist (YOU SEE>>>LOTS OF DOCTORS). My usual guy wasn't in office anymore, so I got the PA. We got some more medication figured out and tried to see what we could do to help my gastroparesis (Slow Stomach...food stays in my stomach too long and it causes issues). One of the medications caused tremors...which were not fun...and the other isn't FDA approved, which means the cost is no longer available or efficient for me. We decided to stay on the anti-nausea pills and see if there was another cause. 

This last week I had another upper GI, which basically they knock you out and put a camera down your throat to take a gander at the inner stomach and take biopsies. Turns out, I do have this stuff called gastritis, which is an inflammation of the stomach lining...but there is not evident cause as to why it is inflamed. *I actually did a lot of research...unfortunately gastroparesis can sometimes cause chronic gastritis in some people (LUCKY ME). The PA I saw, thought having a Botox injection in my stomach lining would help with the nausea...and it actually has been known to help people. Unfortunately, she was misinformed that it is only done on people who have a narrowing of one of the notches in the stomach...which mine is normal sized. So, no shot for me!!! 

YAY!!!

oh Wait...I still have lots of nausea. LAME

That is one thing I am working on to figure out. I have noticed some issues with dairy...so I am going dairy free to see if this helps...Don't worry. I won't become a militant one. LOL.

PCOS- The one thing my endocrinologist thought I had was pcos. This is a syndrome that has 3-5 major issues in women. I checked off the mark on 3 of them. I brought it up with my girly doctor and surprise surprise she actually listened to me and my issues (What a breath of fresh air!). We did an ultrasound and found...By golly, I do have PCOS. So that is another tick of my list of issues. I am switching up birth control stuff and hopefully a longer-term option will help reduce my symptoms.

Today I bought some alternative cheese options...because honestly...I love cheese...a lot! and to cut this out I couldn't just cut it out. So I am going to try these vegan cheeses and see which are good melters, and snackers. Fred Meyers has some fantastic options (THANK YOU). I am not making the boys do it with me...because its just not fair to them. We will all eat the same things...mine will just be altered. 

Signing off from your Celiac and Dairy Free girly...crossing fingers that this works.