Occult and Religion: You CAN do both

Growing up in a religion creates feelings of community as well as ones of inadequacy. It becomes an interesting mix as one grows up and begins having their own existential crisis. These situations create an amalgamation of feelings that need to be felt, discovered, and dealt with as one gets older. It is no wonder that many who grow up within secular religions, find peace in personal explorations of the occult or nature crafts. It becomes a way for someone to discover their personal feelings in a personal and spiritual way. 

Looking at the feeling of community growing up, it can be a major boon for people. One grows up with children their own age with similar values. Many children’s activities create a space where children can learn and grow in a way where they are protected and looked after. Many single parent households could not have survived without these communities to rely upon.

When one has a community with similar values and feelings it creates a bubble from the outside world. Anyone not within the bubble is looked on as a threat or an unwanted figure. Many fights arise when children who are within the bubble learn the difference between us and them. Some are forced to choose us OR them. It becomes a battle in some instances. That drama can create feelings of inadequacy which destroys the view of the bubble.

One interesting thing is people have started to go back to the old religions or the occult to feel a connection to history and ancestry. It becomes a way to connect to the inner turmoil and understand the difference between spirituality and religion. 

 

Where to turn? Occult history

The word occult can be defined as, “matters regarded as involving the action or influence of the supernatural or secret knowledge of them.” This definition is rather dry. Other dictionaries place it more into the realm of, “not being detectable by clinical methods alone,” or “not easily apprehended or understood: hidden from view,” or “come to terms with a disenchanted world,” by some instances, not revealed. It is beyond scientific understanding. 

In today’s day and age, anything within the occult are considered forms of divination, mysticism, rituals and ritual magic, and esoteric sciences. Basically in its simplest terms, anything that covers cosmic or spiritual mysteries. It was a way to distinguish oneself from other groups. This is a generalized view, but in today’s world, the occult is a way to practice mysticality in a world of rigid rules and thoughts. It is bringing back that feeling of magic one felt as a child. 

Spirituality and the Earth magics fall under this purview. The world is continuously trying to expand into areas where mother nature has taken root. It is a worry that technology will destroy everything natural and well made. There is that environmental prophecy from Alanis Obomsawin, “When the last tree is cut, the last fish is caught, and the last river is polluted; when to breathe the air is sickening, you will realize too late that wealth is not in bank accounts and that you cannot eat money.” It is a sobering thought when one delves into it. Mother Nature holds a delicate balance between destruction and growth, if too much growth happens, fires come and cull things back. No trees lead to mud and rock slides, over farming leads to dust, lack of trees leads to loss of oxygen…the cycle continues. It is no wonder that natural magics are being looked into because of inflation and a lack of caring within the world.

Natural magics and the occult, help people return back to the world and create a way to become more symbiotic with it again.

The argument:

Traditional religious groups often view divination and the occult as a departure from true faith, as these practices shift one's focus toward magical influences instead of keeping it solely on a higher power. In certain circles, like the Catholic Church, tools such as tarot are dismissed as superstition because they place trust in hidden forces rather than divine authority. There is also a strong desire to avoid the "appearance of sin," where even a curious interest in the esoteric is seen as a betrayal of shared values that could cause a scandal. This tension is heightened by the "bubbles" these communities create; when a group is built on rigid rules, anything outside the norm is treated as a threat, often forcing people to choose between their community and their own spiritual curiosity.

Conversely, those who turn to the occult and divination often view these practices as a necessary reclamation of personal agency rather than a rejection of sacred values. For many practitioners, engaging with ritual or nature-based magic is a way to bridge the gap between a disenchanted modern world and a deeper, intuitive sense of mystery. By stepping outside the rigid boundaries of established rules they seek to build a private, symbiotic relationship with the natural world—viewing elements like the environment, cyclical history, and the self as living, accessible forces. In this light, the occult serves not as an adversarial power, but as a tool for personal healing and spiritual curiosity, allowing individuals to reintegrate the "magic" of existence that they feel has been eroded by modern alienation.

Can it be possible to have both? YES

Many people who turn to the occult and divination find that instead of turning away from their established religion from growing up, one can blend both together. There are those within the traditional religions who would frown upon this duality, feigning that, “no man can serve two masters.” 

This comes to a personal example. Growing up, I was (and still am) a part of the LDS faith. I am ashamed to admit that my time in the culture and bubble of us vs. them created a bit of a monster within myself. As I grew up and began to question the truths, I was able to connect to the spirit. I felt that where I was was important and I have always felt that I was in the right spot. What I didn’t really feel was the human nature aspect of it. A quote from Angels and Demons always felt quite appropriate for me, “Religion is flawed because man is flawed.” You are welcome to believe how you want to believe and feel the spirit reveal it to you…don’t just do it because man says to you have to. It is all about belief.

I also work within the realm of the occult or divination or spiritual side. I do not feel like this goes against the LDS faith because it has helped me become a better, more spiritually inclined person. I read tarot personally as well as professionally for people. I don’t follow your average readings, it comes more from an intuitive side.

Historically, tarot was a game for people in the aristocracy. The cards were used as a way to craft stories and tell the future. Fun albeit harmless. Today, there are numerous readers who read the rote definitions of the cards. There is nothing wrong with that method. 

As for me, I read tarot from an intuitive standpoint. I learned that the tarot follows a storyline. I could see the story and what the symbolism revealed. A mixture of psychology from Carl Jung, where he shows how the tarot symbolism helps the brain connect from the ego to the subconscious. I view the tarot as a tool to help people find clarity in choices in front of them, just like writing a journal or free writing would do. It helps connect the brain to the subconscious. 

There are times when the cards create those intuitive leaps, where my brain focuses on tiny aspects over the bigger picture. Many times these intuitive leaps are what the querent (the people who ask the question) needs to hear or know. I know with some it feels like magic, but to me, it's the brain getting clarity through viewing pictures.

There are those outlier readers, occultists, etc who actually work with energies that are along the negative spectrum. I do not deny that these energies exist, but I choose to stay away from the more negative energies. I believe that there truly is evil and if one goes against one's nature and searches for ways to harm others there are some very real consequences.

Human nature is a balance of dark and light. We cannot hope to stay bright and cheery, without understanding our shadow self. The shadow is not darkness, it is just our programming that has grown from youth. As adults we need to understand all of us if we hope to find true balance.

I truly feel that a person can be a part of organized religion and feel the spirit, as well as take part in rituals and energies from more occult paths. Occult doesn’t mean evil. The way I feel it is, the spirit that comes from the LDS church is more bright and warming towards the soul, heart, and mind. I have felt spirituality and different energies when out in the world. For example, when I visited the memorial for 9/11 in New York. There was a wall of static energy that hit me. It was like being in the middle of a room of screaming people or white noise. I couldn’t shut it out. I believe that people who pass away in pain and terror, tend to leave behind traces…and when it is done so in such a concentrated area...I could feel it. 

On a side note, when I went to the graveyard near St. Patrick’s, I could feel that there were energies there but they were more subdued, like travelers who pass you by. It is the same way with new people you meet or places where your skin gets goosebumps or your hair rises…you don’t know why you feel that way but something feels off. This is the energies and the subconscious speaking to you through visceral reactions. That is what I believe. 

Everyone is free to believe what they want to believe. Organized religion is flawed because man is flawed. Doctrine and spirituality can be attained when one truly wants to know. I believe that our energies become transmuted when we die. We exist on a new plane of existence. I also believe that if you do harm to others and are a complete jerk, you will reap your own consequences.

You believe how you want to believe, love who you want to love, do what makes you happy…THAT is what matters. No one deserves to be ostracized for being different or an outlier. You are a creation and a masterpiece, act like it. Just like in a museum, your viewpoint about the art will be different from other people. You have your view, they have theirs. No one is wrong or right about them. If you decide to destroy those beautiful pieces of art…the consequences will come to you for your actions.

You can be both.

When the scale causes more issues...Growing up and the issues that arise from early obsessions with food tracking, weight etc.

Good day dear reader. I felt that I needed to vent some things into the void. I saw a post on Facebook about a mother who wanted to start their kid on a weight loss app....and just like that ALL the crap from my childhood came flooding back.

I need to give some obscure history with my life and family. I am the youngest and as such, there was a few times that my elder siblings believed I was spoiled...and honestly, I probably was. I just didn't know any better. I don't think my upbringing was bad per say....I had a home with food to eat and parents who didn't beat me. I was held to high standards and as such, sometimes felt compared to my other siblings who things came easier for. 

My mother has always been a fairly health-conscious person. She would constantly go to the gym, eat healthily, devote her time to things that were important. Unfortunately, I fell under the category of the runt of the litter (The one with the most health/body size issues). When I was a kid, things seemed easier. But once puberty started making itself known, my mother decided the whole family needed to join a weight loss venture called Shape-Up. We had to read books, weigh ourselves constantly (or at least that is what it felt like), and write down everything we ate. We would go to these classes once a week...I think. Nothing worse than having an older lady use a flexible tape measuring tape around your middle and criticize your inches. 

Some of the more scar inducing quotes that have been in my brain since youth are things like this, "you are grazing all the time (when having a snack), suck in your tummy, you are getting flabby, if you just exercised....or walked...you could lose your middle." Not to mention a complete hatred of the clothes I would wear...I absolutely abhorred scratchy clothes, jeans etc. I would prefer to wear stuff that was comfy. Not to mention my mother would constantly talk about my belly when I wore a tighter shirt. I would also be talked about my gait. I would walk with my toes pointed outward slightly. I would be constantly berated on how I walked (EVEN TODAY!!!!) she talked about how I walked like a duck. For years I have always watched how I walked making sure I wouldn't make any noise to cause her to look at my feet. 

*As an adult, I have finally found a zen/clothing that makes me feel a little more me. I feel confident and I like the style I have. 

After the Shape-Up class was ended, it was a constant barrage of sucking it in, weighing myself, getting berated when I was hungry. In high school I went through a phase of anorexia....or at least as much as I could. I wouldn't eat and would constantly write down what I consumed. I tried to do ab work out as much as possible. I would go to the classes my mom wanted me to. I would go to the gym. I couldn't look at myself in the mirror because I would constantly hear my mom's critique. To this day I am still having trouble recognizing when I need to eat...not to mention the joy of chronic nausea. 

I didn't fit the mold...my BMI was bigger than kids my age...and WHY CAN'T YOU LOSE WEIGHT! was a consistent reminder from my mom. I would go to the gym like a good little girl to show my mom that I am not ignoring her...bla bla bla, trying to win her acceptance with who I am. 

When I got into college, there were some discoveries of the health variety. A heart rate that was abnormally high, thyroid issues, gall bladder poisoning and gastroparesis. 

It wasn't until I was in my 30's until I found out I had PCOS with all the joyful additions of insulin resistance. So, it is basically IMPOSSIBLE to lose weight in the normal ways. I have gastroparesis and cannot afford to do things out of pocket for weight loss drugs (It would cause a slew of other issues in my already weird body).

Honestly, I feel that if my mother had created a safe place where it actually felt ok to be a little bigger and didn't fit the mold, I would be less neurotic when it comes to food and weight. 

I just want to say, I am not blaming her and even though it still is tough. I know that (I) have to be happy with myself....and I think I am getting to that point. I have a husband who treats me well and loves my curves. I am healthy and I am learning how to speak up for myself when it comes to medical weigh ins etc. 

Now, I focus on doing exercise my way (When my plantar fasciitis plays nice). I exercise by doing dancing on Dance Central on my Xbox 360. I also do the Figure 8 routines from Body FX. I loved doing dancing and hip-hop. Because it didn't fit the mold of exercise in my mom's view...I would usually have to give it up (There were other underlying reasoning...and I am sure the money was an issue too.) I don't go to a gym or pay a monthly fee. I exercise in ways that make me happy. 

To this day....I hate weight loss "recommendations"

(Yes, I love Shane Koyczan)

New Year: Writing more and frustrations galore

Believe it or not dear reader, I have a degree in journalism. I worked for years on newspapers, crafting articles, and going to the theater to help the local community know what was going on. I loved everything about those jobs.

As of now, I am the managing editor for a metaphysical magazine. It is a great experience for me. I am not paid to do any of it, but the rewards are felt in other ways. I am learning more about psychology through the use of visuals and I get to contact people who are in the field. I have learned what it takes to build a magazine, as well as general language skills being polished. Through this job, I have been able to have a book published with my co-author (the CEO of the company). That is one thing I never thought I would get to in my 30's. https://a.co/d/0RkBxGB

Honestly, I miss having my own column about emergency preparedness and imparting wisdom about how to survive. I have been doing a lot of research when it comes to ChatGPT. I think it is a valuable tool for helping keep things straight, but those people who are using it to write articles, books, and other language filled items...it is a form of cheating. Academic dishonesty was one of those things that I couldn't believe other people would do. Copy things word for word...paste off the internet...and pass things off as their own. Yes, there is a way to properly citate things that have been used, but blatant stealing...that is just wrong. Using any form of AI to completely write something and pass it off as your own is a form of cheating. No one is learning anything. I shudder to think what will happen if people continue to pass it off as their own.

And yes...I do love memes. But now on to the health frustrations.

As many people have surmised, I have a significant amount of health issues and each of them cause delightful things to happen to me. I see a few separate doctors to keep all my levels fairly normal. My list is thus, (Insulin resistant PCOS, Celiacs, Lactose Intolerance, Chronic Nausea, Sleep Apnea, Thyroid Issues, Plantar Fasciitis, Tinnitus, Gastroparesis, TMJ, and more). I recently have been working with my Endocrinologist to discuss what is needed. 

It is always disheartening to hear from a doctor..."You will not lose any weight with the slew of issues facing you right now...and yet losing weight will help resolve a few of them." I already have a lot of issues with losing weight and food growing up and anxiety to boot...so it has become a real issue. However, this endo has been a dream. He has actually helped me find a method that will help reduce my insulin resistance (my A1c and all that jazz is completely normal). 

And because I am a human with kids living paycheck to paycheck...even with health insurance, I couldn't afford any of those fancy weight loss injections (which in case you didn't know...can cause gastroparesis or make it even worse.) I don't wish that gunk on anyone so I was adamant on no injections and surgery would not help either. We found something that I could take every day that would not bat heads with any of my other medications and would not make my stuff worse. Hopefully, my insurance will cover it partially. Thank heavens for good doctors who actually LISTEN.

Thank you for reading my rant. Have a lovely week, month, and year. New writings will be coming your way soon. 

Why I do what I do...Comments on the things I am working with.

I don't know why but recently there has been a feeling that I need to explain my reasons for reading tarot. I know it doesn't make a whole lot of sense, but I feel like it will make some things clearer for others. 

Starting from the beginning. I didn't just start reading tarot cards. It came from friends I had acquired over the years. I met some wonderfully magical people. I was using my other craft of doing photography and with these friendships I discovered their talents for reading cards. I never personally got a reading from them...but I was SO intrigued at the history behind tarot and why the pictures are the way they are. I actually got a chance to do an article for my degree which allowed me free reign to delve into the history. *Check out my Tarot history article and it will help you see. 

A little more history about me. Stories have always been my passion. From creating stories in the bathtub or with little cups on my hands...I would craft stories and situations. My stuffed animals and toys would anthropomorphize, and I would have worlds open to me. I actually received flak from a friend growing up because I didn't "play right". I would have aliens come down and park cars for a living or a T rex would want to eat at Denny's but couldn't fit through the door. These were fun for me. I liked random little things.

This is where my degree took me, into English, Creative Writing, and Journalism. I love how authors could use language to create visuals. It was something I was dying to do...or at least be a part of. I taught English at the high school level and absolutely loved short stories and the Shakespeare units. Honestly, if the politics of the school district weren't so awful...I would still be there.

Sorry, side bar. After I was introduced to the world of Tarot, I started learning more and more. I was absolutely intrigued. If you know anything about me, most people know I have a deep love of Ireland and everything about it. My husband got me the Celtic Tarot by Kristoffer Hughes one year, and I absolutely fell in love. I loved the artwork and the story. However, I noticed when I was looking at the cards, there were different things I noticed that would pop out to me.

I threw out my instruction booklet on the tarot and looked at it from an intuitive perspective. It finally clicked. I could SEE the storyline...how the action would rise and fall, the characters that the fool would meet, and how actions would cause different things. These archetypes are a big part of who we are as human beings. Everyone meets or experiences these things in their lives. That is why I love tarot so much. I love the symbols and how they pertain to everything we are as human beings. It is the human condition in picture form. Everything just clicked.

I love being able to help people see connections in their own lives. There is nothing demonic, I am not calling on spirits, or even doing anything remotely associated with energies. I don't deny that there are these energies out there, and if you go looking for them you will find them. But what I do is not about calling on spirits or energies...that is not me. The cards are a tool, just like using a journey to free write or free association writing. It is just a way of unlocking the brain and seeing things from a different perspective.

*On a funny side note, I actually told my aunt what I do and she goes, "Oh I can totally see that in you. You're just like grandma." My grandmother used to read tea leaves, and I have her copies of notes and book she worked from. There was my answer and feeling...yes this is a good thing I am doing. 

I like to say, "You provide the story, I just provide some perspective." 

Gastroparesis: What is it and why it is awful!

 Greetings to all you readers. If you have read some of my previous posts, you can see I have some rather awful health issues. One that is a pain to deal with...both figuratively and literally...is gastroparesis.

What is Gastroparesis? This is a disorder of the stomach which basically slows or stops the movement of food from your stomach to your small intestine. It is also called delayed gastric emptying.

Basically, food sits and rots in the stomach. This causes nausea, vomiting, pain, feeling full and whatnot. Some of the lovely complications are malnutrition, fatigue, vitamin deficiency,, bezoars (not as fun as Harry Potter) basically the food hardens into a rock and gets stuck, or even weird bacterial overgrowth. 

As you can see...not fun whatsoever. 

The only way to diagnose it is to have a scan done by the hospital. They have you eat radioactive eggs and then scan how much food is leftover in the stomach. I had it done over 18 years ago at a hospital after having some really gnarly stomach issues. It was almost like the scan they do for having your gallbladder checked, but you don't get shot full of iodine.

I tried to get all the scans from it a while back, but most hospitals dump scans after 10ish years. I had to have another one this last year. They found out that the first hour my stomach worked like a champ...then the second, third, and fourth hour. It slowed to a crawl. After 4 hours, I still had a good 30 percent of the eggs still in my stomach. When all of it should have been gone after 2-3 hours (with normal stomach). 

This is my normal. (even though I love gramma....I felt it went well here)

One common denominator in all my health issues is a problem with my Vagus Nerve. This is the lovely nerve that is called the wanderer and deals with lung function and digestion. Many times, if you pass out or have gastroparesis, it is due to your vagus nerve having issues. It is in such a weird spot in my spine, that the two times I had C-Sections I passed out from the needle...and then when I usually upchuck, I pass out (which can get messy and potentially dangerous).

What I deal with is almost a constant wave of nausea. Sometimes it is chill. I can work, eat fairly normal, and deal with it with nausea meds and a Relief Band stimulator (I LOVE MINE btw). I absolutely hate throwing up so the less things that might cause it the better.

The worst is when I am trying to exercise or do things well...and then I turn or stretch weird, and my stomach is like...The HELL you ain't gonna have a happy day. So, fighting off nausea is always fun. 

I have to eat small meals and if I am feeling particularly nauseous...I usually subsist on rice crackers and noodles....(Did I mention I have celiacs disease too?)

There you have it. So, for all you out there suffering or are having to subsist with a feeding tube (I salute you too). You guys are warriors as well. I hope you enjoyed my rant.  

Weird Health: Bullying Growing Up

Everyone says that there is some bullying that happens growing up. Even though I would like to say it didn't phase me...there was a lot of bullying and comments from inside and outside of family that really impacted me, even to this day. 

One thing that I HATE with a passion is how much I sweat. It is not an attractive glistening...and if you say girls glisten...I will pound you. No this is run a marathon, dripping down my nose sweating. It doesn't matter if it is a small exercise...sometimes I just sweat like crazy.

One incident that will always be burned into my brain is trying out for the volleyball team in Jr. High/High School. I think we were trying out for the incoming freshmen. I remember I was able to get the ball over the net with serves and was pretty good at doing layups. I really wasn't the best out there, but I certainly wasn't the worst. I remember there were a few girls that were my sister's age that knew me from hanging out with her. They made a lot of comments like what is up with your sisters sweating, is she ok, dang she sweats a lot. 

THIS was something that really impacted me. I didn't make the team...because I didn't fit standards and hell, I preferred reading and being alone. I tried out for the dance team....didn't get it again. OH and don't get me started on getting stuck in lower level of dance because my teacher felt 'Even though she is good...she isn't that pretty.'. 

You can tell I am a little miffed about that eh?

Now let me give you a glimpse growing up as a bigger kid. There were some people in my family that would be considered "Granola" and to have an obsession with weight. It really did a number on my brain and self-confidence. Going to weight loss classes. Getting told to "SUCK IT IN" every time I wore a shirt that was a little tighter. Writing down every little thing I ate. I don't remember being forced to go and exercise...but I do remember there really wasn't a second option.

To this day I absolutely will not have a scale in the house and refuse to weigh myself, unless I am at a doctor's office. Even there I rarely look at the amount of weight. I don't stop my husband from doing so, but I honestly will not suffer my kids to go through that because I don't want them feeling like what their body looks like matters more than who they are as a person.

There was one comment at a recent gathering that really pissed me off to no end. I have been having back pain....and apparently this is due to me not having a strong core (hint...my weight) and not to mention the pointing at my stomach. 

All I wanted to say was F*** that. But I would like to say I have grown a little bit. I shut down the body talk and said it isn't that and I wasn't talking about that again. 

Even though the comments hurt...I try and play it off. Though the comments may have started a little bit of a manic exercising regimin...I have found one that actually is dance-y enough that it doesn't kill my stomach...but works on toning. I have been killing it. I honestly have no clue if I am doing it just because of the damn comment, or just a stubborn part of me wanting to PROVE that even though I am exercising...that pain and the issues with my body are still going to be there. 

One thing that sucks about weight comments. No one truly knows what one is going through. When one's body cannot digest food quick enough (gastroparesis) and having chronic nausea....that is what I deal with. Ballooning up in weight after having my second kid...and weighing exactly what I did when he was in my belly....THAT is what I have been dealing with. Being allergic to wheat, issues with dairy...and even stopping soda because I know how bad it is...THAT IS WHAT I HAVE BEEN DEALING WITH. A stubborn body that will not work with the materials given...That is the CRAP (I would like to say another word but I won't) I have been dealing with. SO excuse me if I get extremely miffed about comments about my weight. 

I finally have a few doctors who actually give a damn about what is going on with my body and helping me live fairly normal parameters. So, thank you dear doctors who listen, and to friends who are supportive. Love you tons. 

Medical Saga-part 2...the 8 year old chimes in.

 Earlier in the year I was dealing with some other issues encompassing dairy free, gluten free, and the ever-loving joy of chronic nausea. 

Well guess what decided to be added into my oeuvre of health sanity. My 8-year-old, who is my book loving...and now health issue twin. He started getting consistent stomach aches at school and not to mention he kept having pain. I kept him home quite a few times or picked him up early.

I took him to an allergist...and that was a bust. The states best allergist didn't tell us squat. He treated us horribly. We went for a second opinion. They found some interesting allergy issues: tomato, chicken, and avocados. (We were already doing dairy free...some issues have resolved). It has been a learning curve. We love spaghetti in our house and tomatoes with salt and pepper. We are finding new recipes to help.

The doctors see that he is full of it (which we are dealing with) and totally blew us off. Honestly, the medical field is such a bummer. I know there are a lot of people who fake things, but there are some things that really impact kids. There is a very small part of me that feels that he may be embellishing his pain to get a little more of a reaction from us...However, with my years of being constantly in pain and sick...I want to be sure it isn't something more.

As of now...we are working on an elimination diet with lots of fiber. Once everything is under control, hopefully it will alleviate these symptoms and he can be his normal, happy, pain free self. 

Till next time. 

Gluten Free-Dairy Free- oh my...

 *Thank you for reading this if you do. BIG RANT AHEAD.

Ok, so let me start off in my medical saga. I have two boys which are amazing, and I do not plan on having any more. With my last one, I was sick the whole time. After having him a month early, I was feeling ok for about 6 months until the rest of my systems shut down. I ended up gaining the same amount of weight I was when I had my most recent son. SO ON TO THE TESTING.

I see an endocrinologist regularly because I have thyroid issues, which requires constant medication. He and I discussed the weirdness with my weight, and we started down the path of PCOS and Sleep Apnea. It took less than a month to figure out I was having 200 events overnight (which is severe). My hubby had to deal with me sawing logs every night. Well, with my CPAP I no longer snore, and have less than 6 a night usually. So, one thing down.

About this time, I was noticing I was constantly...and I mean constantly nauseous. One of my doctors started me on some nausea meds and It seemed to help a little bit. I went to my gastroenterologist (YOU SEE>>>LOTS OF DOCTORS). My usual guy wasn't in office anymore, so I got the PA. We got some more medication figured out and tried to see what we could do to help my gastroparesis (Slow Stomach...food stays in my stomach too long and it causes issues). One of the medications caused tremors...which were not fun...and the other isn't FDA approved, which means the cost is no longer available or efficient for me. We decided to stay on the anti-nausea pills and see if there was another cause. 

This last week I had another upper GI, which basically they knock you out and put a camera down your throat to take a gander at the inner stomach and take biopsies. Turns out, I do have this stuff called gastritis, which is an inflammation of the stomach lining...but there is not evident cause as to why it is inflamed. *I actually did a lot of research...unfortunately gastroparesis can sometimes cause chronic gastritis in some people (LUCKY ME). The PA I saw, thought having a Botox injection in my stomach lining would help with the nausea...and it actually has been known to help people. Unfortunately, she was misinformed that it is only done on people who have a narrowing of one of the notches in the stomach...which mine is normal sized. So, no shot for me!!! 

YAY!!!

oh Wait...I still have lots of nausea. LAME

That is one thing I am working on to figure out. I have noticed some issues with dairy...so I am going dairy free to see if this helps...Don't worry. I won't become a militant one. LOL.

PCOS- The one thing my endocrinologist thought I had was pcos. This is a syndrome that has 3-5 major issues in women. I checked off the mark on 3 of them. I brought it up with my girly doctor and surprise surprise she actually listened to me and my issues (What a breath of fresh air!). We did an ultrasound and found...By golly, I do have PCOS. So that is another tick of my list of issues. I am switching up birth control stuff and hopefully a longer-term option will help reduce my symptoms.

Today I bought some alternative cheese options...because honestly...I love cheese...a lot! and to cut this out I couldn't just cut it out. So I am going to try these vegan cheeses and see which are good melters, and snackers. Fred Meyers has some fantastic options (THANK YOU). I am not making the boys do it with me...because its just not fair to them. We will all eat the same things...mine will just be altered. 

Signing off from your Celiac and Dairy Free girly...crossing fingers that this works. 

What is Tarot? A little history....a little fun.

“How would you feel if we burned a cross on your lawn?” the voice challenged on the phone. 

“Go ahead and try it! I will let everyone know that some religious zealot…who will remain nameless, whose religion preaches tolerance, came against me.” E.B slammed the phone back on the cradle waiting for the backlash which never came. E.B proudly displayed her wooden sign “Stellar Thoughts” out on her front lawn inviting people into her place of business and home for tarot readings, homemade goods, and massages. The threat never came to fruition even though there has been backlash; it has been mostly in the background.

In a city flush with LDS individuals, there is a real prejudice against those who believe differently. E.B. opened “Stellar Thoughts” as a way to combine her psychic nature and her love of counseling. There have been some confrontations with citizens in the community but overall they have kept to themselves, albeit with a few eye rolls here and there and the random verbal threat. 

Outside of Southeast Idaho, there is a better connection with the different psychic arts. Florida and New York have spiritualist communities where one can receive card readings, psychics, crystals, energy healing and to be a part of it one must follow the rules and must pass qualification tests to become part of the community. This is a positive thing because patrons know if they go into the community they will get a good reading for a baseline price. In other areas, there is no regulation to pricing or ethics when it comes to psychic or tarot readings. 

E.B. has heard readers in Idaho Falls discuss openly clients or readings performed. There is a need of an ethical background for readers of the tarot. They are personal to the one being read and should not be shared with others.

Tarot reading is a world that is outside of religion. Many religions feel that one can define oneself through study and having a relationship with God or higher power. Tarot goes hand in hand with this idea. People have found the guiding influence in their life by little lessons learned from having their cards read. Some readers are intuitive and use different decks, but the stories seem to resonate with those who are having their cards read. 

Tarot reading is becoming more salient in our culture right now because a lot of people are looking for guidance within their lives. It is not taking the place of religion but it helps one find guidance from external forces that they might not have recognized before. It adds a sense of perspective. Tarot reading is not speaking with the dead, reading people’s minds, or telling the future. It is about helping a person tune in to their own intuition and finds a path to take them from where they are now. It is nothing more than guidance.

Many religions place Tarot in the same realm as Ouija boards, fortune-telling, and occultism. The main problem with this idea is a lack of understanding of its history and what the cards are used for. “The Court De Gebelin, who was an 18th-century clergyman wrote about tarot having mystic possibilities,” Paul Ratner, a writer on the Big Think website, states, “yet this mystical link to the tarot has persisted, even though there’s no real evidence for it.” This unholy connection still persists within religions across the country. 

***

E.B. has been reading cards, metaphysical counseling, intuitive readings, and crystals, along with performing massages like chakra cleansing, for over 25 years. She considers herself a psychic intuitive whose feelings guide her readings. She is a down-to-earth teacher whose genuine nature puts one instantly at ease. Her cats insist on making themselves known but are easy to ignore when the cards are being dealt. The walls are filled with books and crystals of all shapes and sizes as well as beautifully colored tapestries covering two Futon couches.

E.B. has had many struggles opening a metaphysical store in a city with a large population of LDS. She initially started doing readings part-time on the side but an underlying distrust, from employers, of her choice in life has propelled her to do it full time. The Idaho State Fair is a fun time for her, she sets up a booth and sells mystical items, homemade wall hangings, as well as readings. When she first set up the booth there was some backlash with her job in the school district. Parents began complaining and didn’t want a ‘witch’ being anywhere near their children. E.B. finished out the school year and started looking for another job. 

With her counseling degree, she looked to the private sector. To streamline the troublesome questions she said, “I am a psychic and read cards on the weekend, do not hire me if you have issues with this.” Even with this warning to her boss, she was hired. Over time, they started having prayers at meetings and using religion in discussions. There was an uneasiness from everyone who talked to her in the office. After her ‘mediated’ prayer in a meeting, “they stopped prayers altogether. I didn’t even use any religious terms which would hurt them.” She laughed, “I guess they couldn’t handle my weirdness.” 

E.B.
made it through three years before she threw up her hands, quit, and worked “Stellar Thoughts” full time. Her job has allowed her time to travel across the country to different fairs, where she makes the majority of her money as a metaphysical counselor and tarot reader. She loves meeting new people and feels more at peace in this world. 

***

Historically, the tarot was considered a playful game of divination and had nothing to do with the occult. In the 1500s, “Tarrocchi Appropriati” was part of the Italian aristocracy’s world. Random cards were dealt and the associations with the card design were put into poetic verse. Imagine the kids game ‘MASH’ with cards. It made a connection in the cards with destiny and the future. 

Wealthy families had their own cards commissioned. The designs were marked with suits and cups, swords, and coins. These suit cards were very similar to what many people today believe to be tarot. The most widely used design today harkens back to Rider Waite in 1909. William Rider, a publisher, worked with a popular mystic of the time A.E. Waite, and created tarot cards strictly for divination and mystical readers. “Gone were the games,” Gia Bathory says, “Tarot became a strong signifier of a metaphysical reader. One has to be intuitive to read the cards.” 

Though the beginning of the Tarot isn’t specifically known. It doesn’t really matter because it is claimed across cultures creeds and continents. Bakara Wintner, author of WTF is TAROT said “The tarot is becoming more popular because of its resonation with existence. Everyone has a collective history and with the guiding aspect of the Tarot people can be led.” 

On the other side of the world in New Zealand, “I sometimes receive visions of a person’s past and invite them to a reading,” Rebecca May O’Sullivan says, “I like to use this intuition to guide the reading more than the cards. They are a means to deciphering what the world wants this person to know.” Every reader finds their own niche within the world of the tarot and uses it to their advantage.

The tarot has gone through cycles of popularity and attrition. “We are beginning to see a drive to know oneself better because the media,” Bresnahan states, “although great, has disadvantages of intuition. This is where face-to-face readings come in handy.” 

Intuitive readings are different than cold readings when it comes to the cards. The directions of reading tarot are rather intense and are left to interpretation. Most readers learn the deck for themselves but then lets intuition guide them. 

The Raider Waite deck is the most common deck used in Tarot readings today. There are thousands of designs of tarot decks, depending on what an artist feels should be portrayed, and yet their basic tautology is the same.  Split into two distinctive sections, The Major Arcana and the Minor Arcana. The Arcana follow an overall narrative which helps reveal things about our life. 

The Major Arcana is made up of 22 cards and is based on the major mysteries of existence including landmark lessons, the moral of a particular story, or the moments when we are at a pivotal point in our lives revealing some larger energies at play. The storyline follows with the idea ‘The Fool-0’ moves towards ‘The Chariot-7’. These cards are there to reconcile society. As one continues through the Major Arcana one meets ‘Strength-8’ through ‘Temperance-14’ which reconciles personal difficulties and issues. The final seven are ‘The Devil-15’ through ‘The World-21’ which reconcile spirituality and purpose. One can get into deep discussion just focusing on the Major Arcana. 

The story arc can be looked at in this way: We are growing up and getting ready to leave our home and safety net and claim our place in the world, it is our first glimpse at interdependence (the first 7 cards). We are continuing on and find our place in life and we have cemented our place in the world. We have gone through many issues, yet have made it through, and now face ‘Death’ (cards 8-14). Finally, we have reached our happy ending. We reflect on what we have accomplished, feeling whole. A long journey and we are arriving home. Yet we want to continue on a new adventure which leads us back to the Fool, and a new journey a little wiser than we have been before (cards 15-21). The Major Arcana is cyclical and teaches us when we are at a pivotal point in life, helps us find the moral to troubles we are experiencing, and helps us find the energies that affect us day today.

The Minor Arcana has four suits, Ace through Ten and the Court Cards. The Cups suit follows the elements of water and usually deals with emotions, feelings, and creativity. The Swords suit harkens to the element of Air with power, rationality, and intellect. Pentacles follow the element of Earth which deals with money, material possessions, and the physical realms. Finally, the Wands suit deals with the element of Fire which usually deals with inspiration, spirituality, and energy.

Reading the Tarot seems like a lot of memorization but follows a simplistic narrative arc and to understand what is involved means working the cards personally. It also means getting your cards to read from other practitioners. Doing so can help one gain a clearer understanding of the cards as well as learning to use one's intuition. Memorization is only a fraction of learning the cards.

***

The Catholic Church does not support people who are finding connections in the tarot. “The reading of cards is considered a form of divination,” Father Julio Vicente says, “it is a way to trust your life and future to superstition or power other than God.” Recently, the Catholic Church has recalled some of its higher priests to Vatican City to be trained in exorcisms due to a recurrence of people interested in the occult practices. Even though there is a larger call for exorcisms, the church is placing more credence on teaching priests how to discern between mental illness and the need to exorcise a demonic entity, which is rare. “People who are dealing with emotional distress should not find peace with the occult,” says Father Henry Carmona, “The Bible and religious leaders are trained to help with this trouble.” The Catechism gives guidance on tarot and divination, 

“Superstition is the deviation of religious feeling and the practices this feeling imposes. It can even affect the worship we offer the true God, ex. When one attributes an importance in some way magical to certain practices otherwise lawful or necessary. To attribute the efficacy of prayers or of sacramental signs to their mere external performance, apart from the interior dispositions that they demand, is to fall into superstition” (Mt 23:16-22).

However, the Catholic Church does not throw out the history of the Tarot. As it was originally a game in Italy, the church has no issues using the tarot being used as a game. “I believe Catholics should take care not to cause scandal,” Father Carmona continues, “many people would be shocked to see a Catholic playing game with a tarot deck.” Many theologians feel that engaging in anything “offensive to pious ears” or giving the appearance of going against the church, no matter the innocence of fact, should be avoided at all costs. 

Many churches hold to the idea of avoiding the appearance of guilt. If a religion believes alcohol or gambling is a sin, going into a liquor store or bar will give the appearance that they are sinning. Going into a purveyor of “divination” can be considered the appearance of sinning. Religion is a boon to many people when finding peace within the books of scripture and guidance from their leaders. When looking at the issue of the appearance of sin, one cannot help but think of this scripture, “Those of you who are without sin, cast the first stone.” Judging others for one's beliefs is not something that should be taken lightly. 

***

Tarot reading will probably never be free of controversy but to the thousands of people who believe in its voracity, it doesn’t really matter. In a world that is continuously online and filled with problems, people are having trouble finding personal connections or guidance in their life. Tarot is more of a guiding hand than something that can give you specifics. One has to act to make it come to fruition, and sometimes the outcome is different than expected

Many people have found peace unplugging from their online world and focusing on themselves through personal readings. Though there is a large following of people who read cards online using Skype or Facetime. However, there is something visceral that draws people to the tangible handheld tarot cards. The profusion of tarot readers across the globe shows its ability to persist through persecution.

The popularity of the tarot and its history of being claimed by many cultures and creeds shows there is something that can be gained for many people. Tarot will continue to fascinate many people and there is a place for those who need guidance. If one can find peace and happiness in the guiding hand of the tarot, who are we to judge? As one affirmation read with ‘The World’ tarot card it states, “I am awareness, I recognize and accept all aspects of myself.”

Halloween is my favorite holiday

Halloween is one of my favorite holidays because of the way it impacts the soul. The weather gets colder, the leaves begin to fall, and the air has a smell that makes one think of connection to one's history. Historically, Halloween was used to remember the dead and pay homage to the ancestors. In today's society there are a lot of people who celebrate the harvest time through holding a dumb supper to honor the dead. A place is set at the dinner table and dinner is eaten in reverse. This symbolizes welcoming in the family members who have passed and being grateful for the sweet things.

This article was crafted after doing research collecting old articles from Blackfoot's newspapers. 

History is a fascination for many people. With the Halloween holiday fast approaching there are some historical and even local histories that are interesting to learn about. Halloween has had a rocky history with religion and history.

The origins of Halloween began with the Celts. It was a time that was marked by bonfires, celebrating the end of summer and harvest season, and preparing for the time when winter would be plaguing many of them. At the bonfires they would burn pieces of the harvest or do sacrifices as a way to hope for a winter where their food stores would last. It was a time also associated with death because of the trees and plants dying. It was widely believed that during Halloween, spirits and demons would walk the earth. Many people refused to leave their home during this time, unless they wore masks or costumes so they would be mistaken as fellow spirits and demons. They would also keep the ghosts away by leaving food outside to appease the spirits. 

When Christianity came to the Celtic lands, and as a way to blend the older rites with the newer religion, November 1 became All Saints Day, which was called All-Hallows or All-Hallowmas, which is a celebration with big parades, costumes and bonfires.  Halloween would be named after All Hallows Eve, as the traditional night before the day the saints were honored.

Halloween had very limited celebrations in the early colonies. It was more common in Maryland and the South. The colonial celebrations had the telling of ghost stories, and mischief making. There were also bonfires and food of the season, including festive costumes. By the twentieth century the Halloween traditions lost many of the frightening and grotesque celebrations, the religious and superstitious overtones died out. Around the 1920 to 1950, trick-or-treating was revived as an inexpensive way for communities to share in the Halloween spirit. It was widely believed a family could avoid tricks being played on them by sharing treats with the children in the neighborhood. 

Blackfoot had a society section in the local newspaper and many people who had parties would send in the fun people had. In the Bingham County News, on November 1, 1916 there was a description of the festivities that were celebrated in town:

"Hallowe'en ushering in the week with a new moon, led to the disappearance of Dull Care and Duty, and for the time being one night almost believed from the appearance of masqued dances on the streets, Tuesday evening, that they were in New Orleans at Mardi Gras, for the ghosts, witches, fays and fairies with their weird lights darting in and out among the trees lend a charming effect to the madcap season. Many bonfires helped to light the city and the good natured way in which the pranks of youngsters were received told that fun, mirth, and frivolity was the order of the day. Many parties were given among them being the beautiful afternoon card and Kensington given by Mrs. John Guthrie Brown and Mrs. Samuel Wilson at the K. of P. Hall, to about 100 guests. The hall was a symphony in its autumn colors and the spirit of Hallowe'en shone forth from a myriad of golden lighted candles. Beautiful yellow popcorn chrysanthemums decorated the tables. Punch was served by Mrs. Fred Cowan and Mrs. Fred T. Dubois. Assisting the hostesses were Mesdames Earley, Aldrich, Thoresen, Patrie, and Miss Hart. Miss Brennan carried off the prize for cards while Mrs. Pearson and Mrs. Cheney were given the Kensington prizes. The ghosts of all departed spirits-white and Indian-returned from their happy hunting grounds and paid a visit to Mr. and Mrs. E. A. Johnson from the witching hours of 9 to 1, Tuesday evening. judging from the sound of hilarity the spirits welcomed their release. None seemed to fear the sight of the spooks walking the streets. The air was full of the sounds of horns and bells and upon entering the dance hall-the newly finished garage-one was simply entranced by its fairy-like beauty. It had been transformed into a sylvan glade where tiny lights only relieved the impression of the home of the gnomes, witches, and fairies. Over it all the good witch presided and brewed a drink that seemed to cheer the spirits to greater pranks. Father Time was there, and a very agile Father Time he was. At the sound of twelve he moved his scythe and the merry spirits departed, leaving the request of their hosts that they might be called back each year.

Mrs. Margaret Dubois was hostess at the Hallowe'en party given in honor of the teachers in the high school and their friends. During the evening they gathered around the fireplace, the lights were turned out and Miss Barron gave most graphically "Poe's Black Cat." Judging from the sounds it was most realistic. Toasted marsh mallows, cider, coffee, and doughnuts added some zest, while Miss Turner, Miss Barron, and Mrs. Parkinson furnished music.

Progress Hall furnished was the scene of a merry party. Also one was given at the stake building where a good old witch did her best to make all happy by telling fortunes.

A merry crowd of little ghosts with Jack O'lanterns darted here and there along the streets, making a beautiful sight. In all this has been the happiest Hallowe'en our little city has ever experienced.

Mrs. F. C. Christ was hostess to the guild this week. The ladies are preparing for their Christmas bazaar. The Methodist ladies are to have a bazaar and luncheon Saturday afternoon at the V I 8 rooms in the City Hall."

A collection of stories from the society pages tended to give the people who couldn't make it to the festivities, a chance to feel connected to the fun.

Review: Repo-The Genetic Opera

 *Personally, I miss everything about my old writing job of reviewing plays and events around town. I loved the people and the whole spectacle. There are so many people who are talented and I have been blessed to see a lot of them perform in integral roles. Even with the changes from Covid (an excuse for a lot of people) I have been able to find an alternative way to see some of the most interesting reproductions of dark musicals. 

Idaho State University put on a piece of the early version of Repo, before it became a cult success on the silver screen. The music was kitchy and irreverent, I absolutely loved the whole idea. After finishing my program at ISU I forgot about the story until a few weeks ago. I found it on a free streaming service and decided it was time to see it in its full glory.

+After an unfortunate event of bankruptcy and reposession the brains behind the Repo storyline was Darren Smith. He created an idea of where a world where people would be forced to pay monthly on their organs or the Repo Organ Man would come to repossess the organs, usually killing the host. Terrence Zdunich and Darren Smith expanded on the entire idea and created the world of the genetic opera.

The movie begins in 2056 where the world has seen some devastating illnesses that have decimated the population by organ failures. GeneCo became the savior of the people by creating organ transplants through a repayment plan. They became a super corporation with too much money. Beyond the much needed transplants, they also created Zydrate the ultimate addictive pain killer. 

We meet the Gravedigger at the beginning after a sequence of comic strips describe what is happening in the world in 2056. The GraveRobber who concocts a Zydrate alternative which is crafted from the bodies of the dead. He sells it on the street. If one has ever seen musicals like Cabaret with the Emcee or plays with a chorus on the sidelines, one can grasp the idea of the GraveRobber. The GraveRobber speaks to the audience watching and then imparts wisdom to Shilo.

Shilo has a blood disease that her overbearing father Nathan believes he can cure. In his past, Nathan and Rotti (The head of GeneCo) both fell in love with the same girl. Rotti creates a situation where Nathan is forced to become the RepoMan for GeneCo and collect the organs that have fallen into arrears. Shilo is unaware of her father's nighttime job, as she is kept in her room. She does happen to escape and meet the GraveRobber. Rotti entices her outside with the promise of a cure for her illness, and in hopes to poison her against her father.

As a lot of dark musicals go, some of the unsightly characters have nefarious ideas beyond the storyline. Rotti's children want the entire company to themselves while being drugged up, surgery addicts, and more. Rotti hopes to give it to Shilo if he can maneuver her in the right way.

This musical met with negative reviews as well as many people who hated the cheap gore. A lot of people hated some of the ways the music was ill-fitting, poorly rhymed, chanty, and poorly assembled. The earlier parts of the musical do have some poor tonal qualities, but as it continued through the storyline the songs got better and had a better range for the singers.

There were three characters I liked overall. The first was Nathan, played by Anthony Stewart Head. Many people know him as Giles from Buffy the Vampire Slayer. It was in the musical episode that Zdunich knew he wanted Head as Nathan. He has a great voice and his rock-esque demeanor makes his bloody alter-ego fun to watch as he is tearing into bodies. The gore is far from realistic, so suspension of disbelief make the musical more fun. The second character was the GraveRobber, played by Zdunich. The GraveRobber doesn't follow the rules and breaks the fourth wall interacting with the audience. His character is a lot of fun and pops up to reveal pertinent information for his own fun. Finally, I love Shilo, played by Alexa Vega. Her singing voice is incredible and the songs she performs show an impressive range.

If one likes fun music with awful gore effects then this musical is for you. It is an intriguing storyline and has music that one will find singing off and on throughout the day. 

Camping Hacks

*Now that it is summer, there are more and more people camping and taking their loved ones out into the woods. I always feel there are bases that need to be covered when heading out. From novice to the avid, it is good to brush up on skills. 

Being out in the woods is something that uplifts people as well as giving them a chance to get back to nature. Camping is a great family pastime. As well as bringing people together it also gives one a chance to brush up on skills that can be lacking during the year. Emergency preparedness is something most people use only in emergencies. However, camping gives you a chance to use pertinent skills that can be lifesaving during an emergency. Here are a few tips and tricks that are important for camping and will be helpful in an emergency.

Pitching a tent: When pitching a tent outside of normal campgrounds, it is important to remember placement as well as comfort. In the mountains, there are a few places that are important to avoid. If there is a divot or an area that is lower than the tree range, avoid it! These areas can be flooded quite easy. Even if the weather calls for clear skies, there are chances of raining on the top of the mountain, which could cause flash flooding.

Water: One important aspect of hiking and camping is making sure one drinks enough water. When you are hiking it is important to take plenty of water, because you will be exerting more energy. Do not plan on drinking from streams unless you take proper precautions. Items like a water filter can help remove the harmful bacteria present in unpurified water. Some of the more popular filters for backpackers are Lifestraw ($20) or the Sawyer Mini-Water Filter ($20). Both filters are small and remove 99% of bacteria present in standing water. When hiking if you feel thirsty you are already at the point of dehydration. Stay on top of drinking water when exerting yourself.

Food: There have been some incredible advances in freeze-dried meals. There is no need to eat stale MRE (military surplus meals) anymore. Some of the top camping freeze-dried meal makers are Wise, Augason Farms and Mountain House. Their company sells smaller packaging which are lightweight and fit well within backpacks for easy traveling. Many require heated water to properly cook them.

Heat: In the mountains, the temperatures can get below freezing during the nighttime. It is important to find ways to stay warm. Proper clothing and using a sleeping bag can help keep your body warm. A fire can keep everyone warm if properly taken care of. The best way to heat up water is using a camp stove or camp oven. Camp Chef and Amazon have some great options for camp stoves that are cheap but versatile for every camper’s needs.

This summer keep on top of the camping hacks to keep your family and friends safe. One does not need to sacrifice safety for a fun time. There are numerous camping sites online which give tips and tricks to help you in any camping scenario.